Hello and welcome the Lifetime Karan-tee’s Olympic coverage of the UNLYMPICS. Believe me folks, I, as much as anyone else here love the Olympic games. Just think of it. Years ago, in 1896 when the first modern games were brought back to life to pay respect to ancient Greek tradition and bring to light an era of at least two weeks where the World could be at peace with each other and could compete, not as enemies and foes firing bullets at one another, but as competitors and athletes alike trying to bring different kind of glory back to their countries. This was the meaning……this was the message, just like how it was in Ancient Greece. They literally stopped fighting their wars and came together just to compete in the name of sport and unity.

But I digress and am straying off of my main point here. My main point is….. I liked the classics. What happened to watching Olympians go head to head for medals in sports that pertain to track and field, swimming and other related events? Why are we being “blessed” with the chance to watch Badminton and Table Tennis. Furthermore, why don’t they just include actual Tennis? It’s way more strenuous and physically taxing that its more leisurely counterpart. You may ask, “Mr. Karan-tee, why the beef with such cool sports?” For the person who asks that…. SHAME…. Shame for doubting my absolute correctness on every subject ever (the very thought is just blasphemous), and shame for thinking that these leisurely activities should actually be classified as actual sports.

*Please see the below Facebook status to really see where I am going with this.*

Don’t be confused, the cool part of the Olympics haven’t even started yet. Track and field, which was the classic stream of events since the original Olympics took place is coming up in the next few days. But, since we are in the spirit of allowing just about anything to be a classified as an Olympic event I am starting a petition for the following sports to be considered in the 2016 Summer Olympic Games in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. And it goes like this…..

• Pandofla (Sandal) Throw – This is archery at its finest. Instead of using the fancy bow and arrow that seems to be the tools of choice for these Archers with blood made of ice, I propose we change the event to the Pandofla throw. We can have objects in front of the target that would allow for more difficulty, causing competitors to curve the pandofla in order to hit the target. For us Greeks who are reading this, you will be taken back to your younger years. To the parents of those who are taken back to you children’s younger years, stop working on your retirement fund and start working on your throw, because now is your chance to be an OLYMPIAN!

• Tavli (Backgammon) – The ultimate game of mental finesse. This one is a no-brainer folks. Not only does it require “athletes” to be mentally sharp, but it also requires them to be witty at the same time. If you are true tavli player, not only can you confuse your opponents with your slick moves, but also you must be able to mentally destabilize your opponent’s awareness and will to win. This is brought on by the skill of being eloquent a.k.a being a good $**^-talker. If you succeed in that, then you my friend will not only throw your opponent off his/her game, but you will probably make them question everything they have learned as a human being over the entire span of their lives. That to me screams gold medal. The Greeks would take this event, hands down.

So, for now these are my two suggestions. I am an advocate for both, and to my Greek readers, you should be as well. These are guaranteed Gold Medals for the Motherland. Let’s start this movement and get these awesome games accepted and official by 2016!

In all seriousness now, it is a tremendous thing and an extremely difficult task to become an Olympian. I congratulate all who made it and qualified for these games (and yes that includes table tennis and badminton, even though I don’t think that you deserve to be sports……..ugh I’m going to go on a rant so I will stop there). You are all truly an inspiration to those in your sport and your respective nations. Also, congrats to Ilias Illiadis on being the first Greek so far to win a medal at the London Games! Let’s keep em’ coming!! Enjoy the rest of the games everyone!

Drop a line in the comments if you have more suggestions on Olympic events or follow me @Cosmosevan on twitter.