You have seen thousands of them on Facebook, websites, and plain paper just being handed around. The “You Know You’re Greek When…” sayings. For example, you know you’re Greek when you have bottles of Ouzo and Metaxa in the house right now. Or, you know you’re Greek when you have a komboloi hanging from your rear-view mirror of your car. These little “You Know” sayings were created to make us Greek-Americans/Canadians/Australians and the rest of the Greek diaspora feel special. Greeks from Greece don’t understand. It’s truly a diaspora experience.

But maybe it’s time to change from “You Know You’re Greek When…” to “You Know You’re REALLY Greek When…” Let’s try:

You Know You’re REALLY Greek When…

  • You have bottles of Ouzo and Metaxa in the house right now, next to the ten bottles of Tsipouro you just made, that can probably fuel an Indy 500 race car or jet plane.
  • You have a komboloi, the size of your arm, hanging from the rear-view mirror blocking your view of the road, but who needs to see the on-coming traffic. Let them get out of the way.
  • You have a Hellas sticker on the back of your car, next to the stickers that say, “Turkey out of Cyprus,” Macedonia is Greek,” Turkey… Recognize the Pontian Genocide,” “Open Halki Seminary,” “Freedom for Northern Epirus,” and “I ♥ NY.”
  • Your ringtone is a Greek song from Remos, Vissy, or Karras and when it goes off you let it play for a while before you answer it so you can sing along.
  • When your ringtone goes off and the sound of a Pontian or Cretan lyra pierces the air and everyone looks at you like you have two heads, you reply, “What? You don’t like it?”
  • You purchased a 600€ bouzouki from Greece you don’t know how to play, carried it on the airplane all the way back from Greece, and it now sits next to the treadmill you purchased – someday you will learn to play and lose weight too.
  • Your GPS voice talks in Greek.
  • You curse in Greek when your Greek talking GPS says you arrived at your destination and there is an empty field with a cow staring at you.
  • You think Greek hip-hop is better than American hip-hop… and argue the point with your friends.
  • You still get two pensions from Greece.
  • You television has every cable station and premium channels that are offered, but you only watch ANT1, ERT, Mega, and Skai, which you pirated from your computer.
  • You refer to your Native-American friend as “O Xenos.”
  • Your idea of a midnight snack includes Yiayia’s spanakopita and keftedes, Feta cheese, cut tomatoes and cucumbers, olives, and chicken fingers… and if it is Easter time, you throw in some left over lamb and spanaki.
  • Your thirty-five years old and still live at home, but you drive a $70,000 BMW.
  • You talk to a non-Greek and continue to throw in Greek words and although the other person has no idea what you’re talking about, you consider that person an idiot.
  • You think everyone else is wrong… no matter their education, job, or experience just because your Greek.
  • You read those “You Know You’re Greek When…”
  • You post on Facebook those “You Know You’re Greek When…”

It’s good to laugh at ourselves and we do, and there is nothing wrong with that. If you have any “You Know You’re REALLY Greek When…” just post them. Enjoy.

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