Yah you all read it correctly. I have the secrets. I have the answers. I have all the ways that you can make your little baby cousin Eleni cry for losing against you when cracking your Easter eggs this Sunday. Gone are the days, where grown men lose to little children and back to the times when you can show extreme dominance! You may ask me, “Evan, why so cruel and angry?” I’ll tell you why. There comes a time when you need to buckle down and use every trick in the book to pull out a win, and Easter, when the whole family is watching and the pressure is on, is one of those times my faithful followers.
First, let me give you all a short background on the age-old Easter day tradition of egg cracking. The game itself is called “Tsougrisma”, or for my American followers, “Tsougrisma: crack the freakin red egg”. The eggs are dyed red to symbolize the blood of Christ and two players play it. Each player holds a red egg, and one taps the end of her/his egg lightly against the end of the other player’s egg and says “Xristos Anesti” or “Christ has risen”. The goal is to crack the opponent’s egg. When one end is cracked, the winner uses the same end of her/his egg to try to crack the other end of the opponent’s egg. Whoever wins is said to get good luck for the year, which for me my friends, is rarely in stock.
So now to the juicy stuff… Who wants to be a Tsougrisma champion this Sunday? I know I do.
While my methods may not be the most ethical or logical, keep in mind that they are HIGHLY EFFECTIVE and at the very least will get you yelled at by two or more of your aunts, uncles or relatives. Consider yourself warned.
- Hiding the Kolo
This works effectively and is my father’s personal favorite. You place your index finger and thumb tightly around the rounded side of the egg as to not allow enough space for your opponent to strike. Perfect defensive move. PS. This works best later in the day when people have had too much ouzo/tsipouro/retsina to drink and are unaware of your sly tactics.
- Freezing your egg all day in the freezer
Ethical? No. Cheating? Probably. Effective? Hell yes! Freeze the egg. Your egg will be automatically harder than anyone else’s that has been sitting out in room temperature or hotter throughout the day. KARA-nteed victory!
- The Salonika switch
This is where you have to have some economics and time involved. You go to anywhere that would sell rocks. You buy a piece of marble or stone that resembles the shape of an egg and paint it the same colors as the rest of the eggs. BAM! OPPONENT OBLITERATED. Make sure to keep it with you at all times after that, not to get mixed up with others. Proceed to take down your opponents with ease from that point on. By the way…if you keep this egg from your family and hide it correctly it can be used year after year, as you can begin to consider passing it on to future generations, while conning your entire family to believe that you in fact are some sort of a demi-god.
- Sunny side up
Caution: Be prepared to get the skata kicked out of you by a parent/relative after pulling this stunt. That being said, this is my personal favorite and is a KARA-nteed victory/lifelong story to tell your kids. I’ll put this in a simple algebraic equation.
(Boiled egg + Non Boiled egg) x Infinite Genius = VICTORY!!!
That’s right… for those of you that flunked Algebra 1, I am suggesting… NO… encouraging all of you to try this. Take only one egg for your keep that is dyed and hard boiled. Switch the rest with two dozen eggs that are dyed and NOT hard boiled and see instant success!
Congratulations lucky reader. Now, not only has your IQ just been boosted by 7.5 points, but you are now a Tsougrisma Champ. Like I said…. KARANTEED victory. BOOM. YOU’RE WELCOME.
Kalo Pascha to everyone and enjoy the holiday with your families and friends! I know that I will ;)