This is a Final Exam for 2014

Another year has come and gone and soon 2015 will be upon us. I have tried to educate you in the ways of Greek-Americans (and Canadians too). I have tried to broaden your horizons. I have tried to instill in you the pride in our culture. So, boys and girls out there in CosmosPhillyLand, what have you learned over the past year? This will be you final exam.

We learned about holes – Greek holes (https://cosmosphilly.com/greek-holes/). Those delightful little hallows in the ground that dot the landscape throughout the land where the likes of Plato, Pericles, and Alexander the Great once walked over… and I’m sure watched their steps too. They are objects of necessity that, uh, hum, proper people do not discuss in public…but they all have used them at one time or another!

We also learned that our friends south of the border have become more Greek than Greeks! (https://cosmosphilly.com/greece-made-mexico/). They have become the Greek chef, the Greek waiter, the Greek busboy and the Greek hostess at a Greek restaurant and can yell out “OPA!” when lighting up the Saganaki just as enthusiastic as a real Greek waiter. Why? Real Greeks don’t cook anymore – we’re too successful. But this is only a start. Greece… made in Mexico.

We went into depth about “What’s in a Name?” (https://cosmosphilly.com/whats-in-a-name/). We learned that Nelson was not a Greek name (although my friend Georgia may differ!) so you can’t use it in conjunction with Gyro. But did that stop the Romans changing the names of the Olympic Gods or FYROM’s continual attempt to usurp the Greek name of Macedonia? Some countries are even trying to market feta cheese as their own! Maybe it’s time we start playing fire with fire. Shouldn’t we market Papadopoulos’ Irish Whiskey? Or, Stavros’ Tortilla Chips and Thea Marika’s Chop Suey!

We discussed “Leftovers” and not the kind you find after Thanksgiving dinner (https://cosmosphilly.com/leftovers/). Those last of the immigrants that have assimilated into the American culture but have kept their Greek attitudes (the good ones). Those guys that can string together a slew of Greek curses with the speed of an F-14, but at the same time explaining how the 2014 Philadelphia Eagles football team had one of the franchise’s worse collapses in their history – maybe just as bad as the 1964 Philadelphia Phillies collapse, known as the “Phold,” all while cooking souvlakia, drinking tsipouro, and smoking a cigarette.

There were the Monkeys too (https://cosmosphilly.com/monkeys/) performing at your local Greek festival. Not much to say about that except, it’s time for the Moneys to leave!

Two years ago I wrote about the different techniques and etiquette of throwing money on a Greek band performing at a Greek affair, which led to the birth of Son of Hartoura in 2014 (https://cosmosphilly.com/son-hartoura-art-throwing-ii/). Funny though, when the first article was printed, I spelled the word, “hartoura,” but got complaints from my “Greek” friends saying that it was misspelled and should be “hatoura.” When writing the “Son of” version, I corrected it and spelled it “hatoura.” The Cosmos Philly crypt keeper, Giorgo, sitting in his lair in Thessaloniki told me it was “hartoura” with the “r,” and then the debate began. R or no R… what’s the difference, just throw the cash!

There was good ol’ Mom and her home remedies to get you better when you had a cold (https://cosmosphilly.com/greek-moms-defcon-levels/). Wrapping you up like a mummy. Force feeding you chicken soup until its coming out of your ears. Slopping on your chest Vicks rub until you couldn’t breathe anymore and tripsi with rubbing alcohol while putting real alcohol in your tea even though you weren’t old enough to shave. And if that didn’t work, there was the medieval torture technique of pouring hot oil in your ear AND, FINALLY, the dreaded ventouza!

And yes, Cosmos Philly is still in business and I still Hate Cosmos Philly! (https://cosmosphilly.com/hate-cosmos-philly/). The owners of Cosmos Philly never gave me that congratulatory cake, and they are still sipping their Johnnie Walker Blue and smoking their big, fact Cuban cigars up there on the 30th Floor of the Cosmos Philly Towers and laughing all the way to the bank. They can now get the Cuban cigars cheaper since the USA loosened the restrictions – damn %$#@& bosses. Money goes to money. I guess some things won’t be changing for the New Year.

I hope you passed the test.

Finally, to all of my readers out there in CosmosPhillyLand, thank you so much for reading the articles I write and your comments. I do read them all. I’m obviously no Hemingway or Stephen King, but I hope the articles are a little informative and, more often, bring a smile to your face. Thank you to the Cosmos Philly team, Lefteri, Vasili, and the crypt keeper in Thessaloniki, Giorgo, and all the other hard-working members of the team, for allowing me the opportunity to write my stuff.

And thanks to all the advertisers and supporters that keep Cosmos Philly going. Please support them, especially our #1 advertiser for my page, Kuzina By Sofia, in Cherry Hill, NJ – just go over and tell them Harry sent you and try the Octopodi. It’s to die for! And of course, our sponsor, Atlantis of Philadelphia, the #1 Greek-American band in the land.

Have a Merry Christmas and a safe, prosperous, and happy New Year. Xronia Polla everyone.