Easter is on the way and you, my friends, get rewarded with… (drum roll please)…

MAGIRITSA! That’s right, magiritsa. After forty days of solid fasting and dreaming of that moment of when you can chow down on a piece of delicious, juicy, flavorful, succulent lamb, what’s the first thing that we are served after our Lord Jesus Christ rises from the dead? Goat-fricken-gut soup. Guess what my fellow Greeks; you must be out of your minds! I thought that Easter was supposed to be a happy time, not an episode of Fear Factor (shout out to my homeboy Joe Rogan). To better understand what is exactly happening here for my non-Greek followers, let’s break it down for you in a 6 simple steps.

  1. Begin Fasting – Hats off to those who can do it. I love food way too much, so you are all stronger than I am. We all know that in the Greek Orthodox religion, we are supposed to fast for 40 days. No meat, for an entire people who base their culture off of lamb and goat. Not an easy task for normal people, let alone Greeks.
  2. Regret Beginning Fasting – If you don’t regret it even a little after the first week, then you are a liar. This usually occurs when all of your American friends suggest going out for a steak dinner and drinks on a Friday night after work, and you like the good orthodox child you are will say no. Immediate jealousy and regret.
  3. Coming to Terms – The first 3 weeks run by and you begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel. It’s a good feeling. You’re feeling happy and content and for a split second you think that it’s so easy that you might consider becoming a vegan once lent is over.
  4. Hallucination – You begin to feel weak during the days and you break out into random sweats at the absolute wrong times. You find yourself envisioning a field trip to a butcher shop and purchasing an entire cow. You have just hit your breaking point, but are only one week away from Easter. You’re nights consisting of tossing and turning in bed. You’re so close. You can’t possibly quit now.
  5. Anastasi! – You made it, you are strong in mind, but weak in body at the moment and you are waiting for the moment where you can leave church on Saturday night and chow down! By the way, at this point everything you see looks like a lamb chop and you think that smell from all of the girls in church hair getting burnt by the candles is actually a bbq.
  6. Realization of the reality that is Magiritsa – You finally get to that dining room table with you entire family. A joyous event none the less, but one trick is left up the entire Greek Culture’s sleeve. You are getting served Magiritsa…

So, now you can see my disappointment in my culture. You do all of this work and show off tremendous amounts of willpower and you are rewarded with the part of the lamb/goat that’s main function is to support bowel movements. I know it’s tradition, but I for one think that it’s a bit outdated. The texture itself is enough to make me want to hurl. I know that we eat some weird stuff, but this is my limit. So for all of you out there that enjoy it, like I said hats off to you and I wish you well. I for one will be ordering a cheese steak.

Καλή Ανάσταση σε όλους! I hope you all have a great Easter this Sunday!